What I Ate: A Food Diary-turned-Euology

I process life through the lens of what I eat.

on January 3rd, 2019, I started a food diary. two days later, my mom died. I continued the diary, and let it tell the story of grief, self-worth, and fractured memory via food.

What I Ate: January 3rd, 2019. Mostly memories.

I walked to the kitchen, pulled the burning hot plate out of the oven, sat down, felt no air of elegance, but immense gratitude for the sustenance, and I swallowed my meal in harried, giant gulps. I didn’t finish my wine.

What I Ate: January 5th, 2019 (The day my mother died.)

We stopped at a gas station and bought some semi-sad, semi-warm pizza. It had been under a heating lamp for I-don’t-know-how-long, and it was not excellent, but it was not terrible. I still didn’t feel that hungry, but she kept insisting I eat now, because I wouldn’t know about later. That I eat now, because I wouldn’t know about later.

What I Ate: January 10th, 11th, 12th & 13th. Funeral food.

Had my mother still been alive on those days, I would have been acting my usual self. Being a real picky bitch about food. I will go hungry before I will eat something I don’t really want. Food just seems too precious to fuck around with.

Seemed, rather.